It's an odd thing visiting places you use to live. It feels familiar, yet so different.
I moved to Utah when I was 18 years old to attend BYU. From the outside I had a lot going for me.
I was on the seminary council my senior year. An accomplished pianist and violist with good grades. A good family, I had traveled and seen parts of the world already, played sports, done everything I "should" growing up. I'm sure it seemed like I had it all together.
But on the inside, I came to Utah very broken. Carrying a lot of depression, pain, and hurt.
~ Utah is where I spent time in a mental hospital in my early 20's.
~ Utah is where I met my husband and got married.
~ Utah is where I failed out of college.
~ Utah is where I unexpectedly got pregnant and had my firstborn son.
~ Utah is where I unexpectedly got pregnant again, and had my first daughter.
~ Utah is where I lost a baby at 12 weeks pregnant.
~ Utah is where Jayson owned a few businesses and we thrived financially and bought a dream home.
~ Utah is where we went years without income, lost everything, and ultimately filed bankruptcy.
Driving thru Utah county, showing the kids the places we use to live, it brought up SO MANY MEMORIES I had forgotten. Some small insignificant memories, and some big.
Funny how a place can remind you of so many memories, huh?
One thing is for sure- this year has been one of healing for me.
Without intentionally planning it, this year I have visited every place I ever lived. Boise, Idaho Falls, and now Utah.
It's been an opportunity for closure, closure I didn't even realize I needed.
An opportunity to find gratitude for painful experiences, self love for handling life the best I knew how to at the time, gratitude for the joyful experiences, and gratitude for God's grace thru it all.
I AM grateful for the time I lived in Utah. I wouldn't be the person I am today without this refining season of my life.
But now, it's time to go HOME.
Time to keep moving FORWARD.